Deeply Offended

You are right … Manas

We Indians are horrible people. All Indians, see what we have done. We have offended Manas Chakravarthy. Manas, I am deeply offended. Both mildly or deeply.

Advice to Sensitive Manas

And since you are the sensitive sort – so bothered about hungry kids, dirty loos, and all those dang thangs, why not extend your concern.

Include trees and paper.

Why waste so much paper on trying to pierce our thick Indian hides.

Let me let you onto a little secret.

We Indians are a rather devious type. I will give you an idea that will get you closer to the sensitive types – like, say Al Gore and Markandey Katju.

Just give us photos of Veena Mallik and Rakhi Sawant, like Katju-saheb says, with less clothes.

But remember, nekkid photos of women without clothes will offend us Manas.

I think 5-10 photos a day, and one full page of filmi gossip.

I mean, full newspaper sized page of gossip.

And don’t make up stories!

Give us silly Indians real stories. With human interest and values. Like Katju-saheb pleads.

Stories like …

Sallu has gone veg.

Sanju-baba has taken to pot again to stop farmers from committing suicides.

Shahrukh is two-timing Gauri, to give new-comers a chance in the film industry.

Madhuri is going to a do romantic film opposite Aamir Khan-Kiran Rao’s son – as a protest against Bollywood’s age bias.

Kareena, to foster national unity, has decided to wear only pink – in all her forthcoming films (no green, saffron, blue or white).

Rekha’s love-child with Amitabh Bachchan is going to be an art film director in Bhojpuri – to promote unity in diversity.

A repentant Garam Dharam has been funded by an ‘sensitive’ private equity player, to start a chain of blood-transfusion centres for stray dogs, across the world. Maneka Gandhi has already signed up as their first major customer. The only two countries where they will not operate is in Vietnam and Philippines, because ‘reliable’ sources have informed Garam Dharam that they eat dogs in those countries.

There. I have done my good deed for the day.

Maybe Manas will save some paper – and not write his sensitive and sensible stuff for us silly Indians.

Al Gore should give St.PTBarnum a medal. And if I get a medal, I will be happy.

Now …

Between the two of us, there are two deeply contemptuous people. One is me, of course. And my contempt gets the better of the offense you cause.

A word of advice?

We Indians are like that only. Why don’t you find better people to live with?

What Manas thinks and says about Indians

With people like Manas Chakravarthy, journalism is safe – safe from truth, investigation, inquiry.| Cartoon by Oliver Widder; source & courtesy – itmanagement.earthweb.com | Click for source image.

Invaders poured into the country, but I scarcely turned a hair. I even sided with some of them against the locals. A dash of foreign blood adds to a nation’s vitality, I used to think. Vatsayana wrote his manual on sex and

I forgot to be outraged. They built the temples at Khajuraho and Konark, but I was far from offended, being one of the first to go and ogle at them.

The country’s petty rulers were perpetually at war with each other, but that didn’t bother me in the least. We called a group of our own people outcasts and abused and exploited them for millennia, but that didn’t infuriate me. When a handful of British troops came and conquered us and many of us joined them and fought against our own people, I wasn’t even mildly irritated. It was only on the eve of Independence that I suddenly woke up in a rage and massacred my neighbours.

Come to think of it, I am quite a tolerant sort of chap. Some people have been talking about the thin-skinned Indian and how easy it is to rile me, but frankly, that’s hogwash. All you have to do is look around you. Do I get all hot and bothered when they tell me malnutrition in my country is higher than among the dirt poor countries of Africa? No sir, I remain unruffled. Am I enraged when our girl children are murdered in the womb? Nope, I keep my cool. Am I moved to protest when I look at our fetid slums in which our kids play in the midst of disease and filth? Why on earth should I? I’m not irked by the obscene inequalities in our land, where one family lives in a house of 27 floors while others live in sub-human conditions in hovels.

I remain calm when our tribals are exploited or when people who help them are charged with sedition. I have no argument with the khap panchayats. Schools without teachers? Health care centres without doctors? Not enough public toilets? Tens of thousands of farmers committing suicide? New-born babies dying en masse in hospitals? It’s just bad karma, I prefer to look on the bright side and think positive.

But there are limits to what I can stand. When Jay Leno makes a passing reference to our religious places in one of his jokes, I’m certainly not going to take it lying down. When Jeremy Clarkson lugged around a toilet in his car because he thought he would get diarrhoea in India, it really got my goat. Our water might give us cholera, but I am furious at his lack of good manners.

I am incensed by those literary types who have the temerity to criticise our version of our religions, our culture and our history. Ramanujam, Rushdie, Taslima, trouble-makers all. And I get livid when people insult us by eating beef, which is why they had to ban it in Madhya Pradesh. Don’t dare to even mention loathsome foreign abominations like Valentine’s Day, or living together, or nightclubs.

And if some foreign TV station that nobody has heard of says our deities are weird, they must apologise immediately. Who are these little people, what gotra are they, what is their rate of GDP growth, that they dare insult us? Look upon me ye critics and tremble, for the Deeply Offensive Indian is here. (via Deeply offensive – Hindustan Times).

All these invaders that you are talking of, tried pretty damn hard, to make us better. Much better.

But, we Indians didn’t change.

Related articles

• And forgive us for our ignorant protests (2ndlook.wordpress.com)
• Sunny Leone should not be treated as social outcast: Katju (thehindu.com)
• Katju dubs Rushdie ‘sub-standard’ writer (thehindu.com)
• Katju compares Sunny Leone to Mary Magdalene (ibnlive.in.com)

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Aryan Invasion Theory – The Truth

'Then, once you discover what it is you are searching for, just type it into the search engine.' (Cartoon by Mike Baldwin).

Ever since my propaganda guru, PT Barnum was canonized by the Pope and became St.PT Barnum, he has become very busy. Needless to point out, no one, has ever been made into a Saint,  while still alive.

Envious people have started a rumor that my guru PT Barnum, died may decades ago. If he died how could he have started a blog of his own? He even has a few hundred followers on Twitter also. But, a humble man that he is, he has always given me time, to clear my doubts on various issues. I recently spoke to him about the Aryan Invasion Theory.

As usual he shed new light – and revealed facts, hither to unknown. Read on.

Q. Saintji, please tell me about the birth of Indian languages.

St.PTBarnum – While blond Aryan invaders, with White skins with blue eyes were conquering India, massacring the males, raping the women and taking children as slaves, rishis in forests and brahmans in cities and villages, learnt Sanskrit, Brahmi, Prakrit, Kharoshthi scripts from these invaders – wrote the complete grammar, memorized it entirely, found ways and means to transmit it from generation to generation, orally – in a matter of 300-500 years.

Q. Saintji, if these languages were learned from foreign invaders, how were these texts composed?

St.PTBarnum – In many cases, these texts were copied onto palm leaves. Soon, this copying of foreign texts became a national industry in India – and every man, woman and child was put to this task by India’s Brahmin elites.

That is how Indians landed up with crores of pages in classical texts.

Q. Saintji, if these languages and these texts were copied from foreign invaders, why did the Chinese, Lankans, Japanese come to India for this knowledge?

St.PTBarnum – It did not stop at copying of texts.

Indians were able to erase the memory of the origin of these texts from the collective memory of the world. The world soon began to think, that it was Indians who had composed these texts. Even the original Iranians, Greeks, Babylonians forgot about the origin of these texts.

Q. Saintji, so you are saying that Indians did not stop at copying these texts – but also erased memory from the entire world about the origin of these texts?

St.PTBarnum – These Indians used all these foreign languages to copy and then claimed to have composed more texts in these foreign languages (Sanskrit, Brahmi, Prakrit, Kharoshthi) than the rest of the ancient world, combined, could in their own languages. More than Egypt, Babylon, Assyria, Persia, Greece, Rome, Chinese – all of them put together.

Is this possible? Have you ever seen people so intelligent?

There is a ‘foreign hand’ I tell you. I have seen all the original texts in the Vatican library. The Pope showed it to me – after the investiture ceremony.

There is an ‘Italian Hand’ in this.

Q. Saintji, so you are saying that these wily Indian Brahmin did this. They copied the language, the grammar, the texts, erased the memory from the rest of the world, and ensured that the rest of the world credited them for all this copying?

St.PTBarnum – This is false.

These so-called Indian rishis and brahmans were also foreign.

How can Indians be so intelligent? Not possible. Most probably, these Blond, White Aryans with Blue Eyes came out from the forests of Saxony, combined with the Angles – became Anglo-Saxons – and civilized those unlettered, illiterate Indians.

Q. Saintji, what do you have to say to all those Indians who say that the Aryan Invasion or Migration did not happen at all?

St.PTBarnum – Completely ungrateful!

These … these … these … these

Indians are trying to usurp the Aryan heritage from Europe. A prominent firm of American historians by the name of Farmer, Sproat & Witzel have proved that all this ‘learning came from the Aryan homeland – what was originally called Arya+upah=Europe’.

Related articles

• How Brahmins Killed Buddhism In India? (brahminterrorism.wordpress.com)
• Roots of Aryan Religion (dhammaland.wordpress.com)

Both, Galileo and Aristotle were wrong

Migratory route out of Africa?

A study by the Centre for Cellular and Molecular Biology (CCMB), Hyderabad, in collaboration with Harvard Medical School, has concluded that modern man originated in Africa and migrated to other parts of the world via India. This contradicts the popular theory of Aryans arriving in India from Europe.

CCMB director Laljit Singh said, “Westerners say, from Africa, they moved north, to the Middle East, Europe, South East Asia and then came to India. But we have evidence that Ongis, who are found in the Andaman and Nicobar Islands, are the oldest living tribe outside Africa. A DNA study revealed that the tribe is 65,000 years old.”

The CCMB has submitted its thesis for publication to a science journal. Singh is reserving details of the study till the paper is published, which he expects to happen ‘in a few months’.

“What I can say now is we have exciting findings about the origin and migration of modern man. A recent excavation in Jwaluparam in Kurnool district, Andhra Pradesh supports the new theory.” (via Modern man went into the world via India).

Galileo was wrong – and so is Laljit Singh. Sun is not at the centre of the solar system. Aristotle was also wrong. Even the Earth is NOT at the centre of the Universe. PT Barnum’s Guide to Geography was the first book to however point out the correct centre.

Europe is at the centre of the Universe.

Morarji Desai On Mount Rushmore

Morarji On Rushmore

US Government Confirms

Some bloggers, especially the insidious, anti-Western, 2ndlook had alleged that the West is ungrateful – particularly, in regard to Morarjee Desai.

The American Government has scoffed at this allegation. They have confirmed that George Bush Jr., has granted Presidential Approval to the proposal for Morarjee Desai’s bust on Mount Rushmore. “After all, who could have contributed more to the success of the Bretton Woods Agreement than Mr.Desai”, George Bush said solemnly.

St.PT Barnum Knew All Along …

Our resident propaganda slayer, St.PT Barnum, was privy to this whole deal. PT Barnum and the CIA mounted a massive covert operation. Barnum-CIA diverted the attention of the whole world by the nuclear deal and the dollar-credit-banking crisis, while the Bush Government was secretly working with St.PT Barnum to unveil the bust of America’s greatest hero – Morarjee Desai.

Bush grandly, announced, “Morarjee has gone where no Indian has gone before. On Mount Rushmore. Morarjee has very own statue on Rushmore now.”

The Latest By Dubya

When asked about ‘secret payments’ made to Morarjee Desai for this gold ban, Bush replied, “Secret deals are supposed to stay secret, but Henry Kissinger did appear in the court to testify that Morarjee Desai did not take any money.”

With tears in eyes, in a choked voice, George Bush said, “Without the help of the Morarjee Desai, the Bretton Woods-I system would have collapsed within 15 years – instead of nearly 30 years.” During this 30 years, the US printed a lot of dollars and created massive debt which helped Americans to become the largest debtor nation – with the highest standard of living. Morarjee, can realistically, claim significant credit for saving Bretton Woods-I – which allowed time to consolidate and create their hegemony. The US then launched the Breton Woods-II successfully.”

But, Morarjee Desai was a very patriotic Indian. He was supposed to have told George Bush Sr., a CIA point man, in the 70s and 80s, “It is not that I love Indians less, but that I love the Americans more”.

“Morarjee was”, Bush confirmed, “one in the long line of many, who ‘helped’ India to get over the bad ‘gold habit’.” Before Morarjee, the British had also tried to cure the Indians of this bad habit.

Gold Redemptions By The French – And The Rest

When the whole world was redeeming US gold, led by the perfidious French, it was Morarjee Desai who stood by the US and stopped Indians from buying gold. Bush was slammed on how could Indians be blockaded from buying gold. For nearly 90 out of the 100 years in the last century, Indians were not allowed to buy gold.

George Bush was further asked searching questions on how can Morarjee Desai’s bust be put on Mount Rushmore. After all, Desai’s ban on gold imports, sparked the largest crime wave in Indian history. George Bush , simply said it is an internal matter for India and he will not comment on that.

He also in a sinister manner suggested that the Islamic angle should be looked into! He made a point to tell the CIA Director to co-operate with Manubhai in laying bare the Islamic conspiracy in the gold smuggling scam.

Manubhai Says He May Follow Morarjee

Manubhai and his team of April Fool jokers are readying to make a final assault on the Great Indian Gold Habit. Manubhai has warned that he “will uproot this dirty Indian Gold Habit, such that it never grows again. I will finish Morarjeebhai’s unfinished work.”

He made this statement from New Delhi, with the American ambassador by his side. He said, “We must take inspiration from Morarjee – and learn our lessons. I pray that I may also be accused tomorrow of having taken money from CIA, for such a noble task.”

Reliable sources say that Manubhai may actually take nothing from CIA – as he deeply loves George Bush.

PT Barnum – Seven Pillars of Western Wisdom

Professor Dr.Kishore Mahbubani, of the National University of Singapore, Dean, Lee Kuan Yew School of Public Policy has recently written a book where he talks about the seven pillars of western wisdom – a cloyingly subservient and ignorant view of the modern history. In an interview with Times Of India he opines, “ Asia has benefited immensely from the western seven pillars of wisdom — free market, science and technology, meritocracy, pragmatism, culture of peace, rule of law and education.”

The Economist patronislingly comments “Kishore Mahbubani makes some sensible recommendations. Strangely, The Economist says this is a “an anti-Western polemic, designed to wake up Americans and Europeans by making them angry. In that goal, it will certainly be successful.” Reportedly, The Economist further says that Kishore Mahbubani is an “Asian Toynbee preoccupied with the rise and fall of civilisations.”

The Shanghai daily gushes “Singaporean author Kishore Mahbubani has been likened to an Asian Toynbee”; Deccan Herald joins the fray with “Kishore Mahbubani is the ultimate foreign policy guru” Niranjan Rajadhyaksa of the Mint (a HT-WSJ publication) intones,” Asia has both suffered and learnt a lot from the West … Mahbubani has been extremely fair.”

1. Free Markets

I was a non-believer in Western free markets. After reading Kishore Mahbubani’s interview, I realized, I was reading too much propaganda about how Indian mangoes could not be exported to USA for the last 18 years – because of pesticide residues.

However, Indian farmers (with some devious trickery) ensured that pesticide residues vanished. A believer in free trade, USA allowed imports of mangoes into USA.

USA, in turn taught India a thing or two about free trade. An enlightened India agreed to allow imports of Harley Davidson motorcycles. Of course, India was wrong in disallowing allegedly, ‘over priced, gas guzzling, polluting’ Harleys.

For the last 300 years, the West did not allow imports of fabrics and garments. Dhaka’s de-urbanization due to this in the 1800-1900 is written into history – wrongly. The last law was the MFA agreement which created a quota based regime for textiles in the West.

Agricultural subsidies of nearly 20 billion dollars by USA and EU each, to their farmers is also in the spirit of free trade. For the benefit of the starving Rest, the West is giving these subsidies to Western farmers to lower food prices. How does it mater that the agricultural economy of the the receipient nations gets destroyed.

Things like non-tariff barriers are hookum and over-worked Eastern imagination.The story of repeated and frequent rejection of mushroom exports from India is also in the spirit of free trade. Indian applications for ‘equivalence’ certificates have been pending with EU for the last 7-8 years – and not processed for the last 7-8 years due to lack of manpower. Interim annuals approvals are given instead – in the spirit of free trade, after some ‘concessions’.

Of course, the Western zeal for free trade extends to enforcing opium trade (just ask the Chinese). Kishorebhai, I only wish, as an ignorant Easterner that we in India can enforce ‘free trade’ in opium today in USA and the Europe.

When the ignorant East, did not see the benefits of Western invention of free trade, the West was compelled to use use force (remember Commodore Perry? For more details, ask the Japanese).

St.Barnum’s Says

Mahbubani’s assertions are right. These ‘facts’ above are like a bikini. What they reveal is indicative. What they conceal is vital – in this case the Western spirit of free trade. How can Western wisdom (or ethics, integrity, motives) be questioned by the ignorant East. Of course, all these cases and incidents are a conspiracy to defame the West.

2. Science & Technology

Before Western invention of Science and Technology, what did the East know?

Zilch. Zero. Sifr. Shunya. That is all. This claim about India inventing the zero and infinity is probably right. Because they had infinite knowledge about Zero – and nothing else. All their books about geometry (Aryabhatta, Bhaskara) are just figments of Eastern imagination. Eastern knowledge about eclipse prediction has now been proved wrong by Kishore Mahbubani’s expose. Indian shipbuilders and steel technology was just puffery – as demonstarted by Kishore Mahbubani.

Of course as Hegel said, there is no African history.

I realize after reading Kishore Mahbubani’s interview that there is only Western Science and Technology. It must been some Westerners behind the ‘achievements’ of China, Africa and India.

How ignorant I was before being enlightened by Kishorebhai!

PT Barnum adds – Are you not forgetting the option of crediting aliens.

3. Meritocracy

The poor Blacks!

They were always mislead by their leaders. The only place in the world that they could find equity was in the West. If the West had not ‘bought’ these poor Blacks and allegedly ‘enslaved’ them, they would have still have been in Africa – and lost the benefits of the Western meritocracy. Some Black leaders are today claiming that they have even contributed to Western technology.

The sheer audacity!

Similarly, if the Gypsies had not left India, (supposedly) a thousand years ago, they would have lost all the benefits of Western civilization.

Early Punjabi settlers in USA did not properly understand their position in Western society. They were basically inferior people who demanded equality to their White masters. This misperception of course created misdirected protests. These ignorant immigrants from the East did not properly understand Western meritocracy.

The Wisdom Of St.Barnum – If Japanese and Chinese immigrants faced discrimination in the USA, it was their fault – why did they have to look different?

4. Pragmatism

I agree that the West is truly pragmatic!

Dr.RA Mashelkar, a senior scientist and administratr, writes “A recent study by an Indian expert group examined randomly selected 762 US patents, which were granted under A61K35/78 and other IPC classes, having a direct relationship with medicinal plants in terms of their full text. Out of these patents, 374 patents were found to be based on traditional knowledge …”

St.Barnum sez – What could be more pragmatic? I agree with Kishore Mahbubani!

5. Culture Of Peace

The Red Indians were wiped out – nearly the entire race! Today they are a relic – a tourist attraction! Like rare animals in a zoo! Aborigines in Australia have similarly been annihilated. Two world wars in a space of 40 years. The entire Jewish population of the world has been reduced to 10 million – by the West.

But, Kishore Mahbubani says, the Western civilization is about peace! And he is right!

These wars were forced upon the West – and were fought to bring peace on Earth. Now since there are no Red Indians and Aborigines, how can there be a war with the Red Indians and Aborigines. Similarly, if there are no Jews, there cannot be a war with the Jews. The West is also trying to cleanse the Earth of all Muslims. Then there cannot be a war with Muslims also.

St.Barnum pays tribute to Kishore Mahbubani – Kishorebhai, you concept of culture of peace is stunning to say the least. Hats Off.

6.Rule of Law

Completely true and a matter of fact!

Consider the Western laws on slavery! And those related to minorities!

The disenfranchisement laws came into effect by the 1890’s – that continue till today. This ensured that the disproportionate numbers of Blacks could not vote – and George Bush became the President of the USA for the 2nd time. After some 60,000 Black Voters were disenfranchised, George Bush technically, won by less than 1000 votes (most of the disenfranchised voters were expected to vote against George Bush).

Petty crime (where poor) Blacks were convicted in higher ratios were grounds for disenfranchisement. These laws ensured that 10 times higher number of Blacks were disqualified compared to Whites. If that is not bad enough, it continues till now. Such tactics continue to be used to limit Black participation in democracy.

Tomas Estrada Palma, ‘puppet’ Cuban President, signed the Platt Amendment of 1904 which allowed the USA to intervene at will – and finally modified only in 1934. The many laws which made Gypsy hunting legal – like laws which made hunting animals legal. The latest news in that Italians are going to crack down on Gypsies – as per a EU law.

St.Barnum confirms – Yes, Kishore Sir! The West believes in laws.

7.Education

I must admit, that Western education does achieve its goals!

West does produce leaders, generation after generation, who relentlessly execute the same agenda. The annihilation, the massacre, the pogroms – against natives in America and Australia, monorties like Gypsies, Jews and various Christian sects. The kidnapping of Aboriginee and Gypsy children. The massacres in Africa – from Roman times to 20th century. And now the spectre of Islamic Demonization.

St.Barnum adds – This degree of continuity and consistency is missing with others. There is something about Western education Mr.Mahbubani, I agree.

Country Model Of The West

The real country model that the West manages itself on is something else Mr.Mahbubani. Loot – of gold, resources, ideas. And slavery. Add significant amounts of fraud.

Nothing more and nothing less. And their strategy to ‘white wash’ this – propaganda. With Kishorebhai’s plausible sincerety, I am not quite able to decide if Kishorebhai is an innocent and ignorant victim of Western propaganda or a part of the propaganda.

Either way, his book and his ideas are trash – and this post is a case of intellectual slumming.

St.Barnum Computes The Cost Of Dining Alone

On April 29, 1962, John F. Kennedy, from the American Royal House of Kennedy, gathered 49 Nobel Prize winners at his palace, called the White House – to remind the Nobel Prize winners that it was “probably the greatest concentration of talent and genius in this house except for those times when Thomas Jefferson dined alone.” Many understood many unexplained chapters of American History – after reading this. John F. Kennedy was assassinated because he unveiled this secret.

After Kennedy’s assassination, the Vatican felt that the true Catholic, Christian, American Spirit remained only with PT Barnum. Hence, the Vatican decided to cannonise him. From now on, PT Barnum will be St.PT Barnum.

St.Barnum Explains

St.Barnum explained to me the importance of dining alone in American History.

Each time Jefferson dined alone, he got some great ideas – and that St.Barnum explained to me, lucidly, is the secret of American Success.

All Men Are Created Equal

His first great idea was excluding the Red Indians and Blacks from the ‘all men are created equal’ clause. I am not even started on exclusion of women. This was a direct result of dining alone.

The Consent Of The Governed

Next time he dined alone, talk started about ‘the consent of the governed‘. He obtained ‘secret Red Indian consent’ – a result of dining alone. Of course, his great work of fiction, called the American Constitution, allowed his successors to continue with this – there was ‘secret consent’ also in the cases of Haiti, Philippines, Cuba, Grenada, Panama – and recently in Iraq also. Modern liberals, peaceniks and other such flotsam and jetsam, don’t know anything about these ‘secret consents.’

Jefferson’s ‘invisible’ writings

Recently, (claims StPT Barnum) some unknown writings of Thomas Jefferson have been ‘discovered.’ Written using invisible ink, (claims StPT Barnum), these writings reveal the ‘true’ nature of Jefferson’s thinking. St.PT barnum with his ‘patented’ anti-propaganda technology, has been able to read the ‘invisible’ portions of the document.

StPT Barnum adds

Indians, remember!

As Thomas Jefferson, an Anglo-Saxon ideologue earlier said, “eternal vigilance is the price of liberty”. The rest of Jefferson’s tract, written in ‘invisible ink, said “If you are fools to trust us, are not vigilant, and gullible enough, we will come and enslave you, exploit you, loot you and rob you.”

Jefferson ended his tract in invisible ink, by writing “Now, all you reds, browns, blacks, yellows, greens! Don’t you ever say that you were not warned!”

His Greatest Idea – Liberia

Another time, he dined alone, the idea of sending freed slaves back – to Liberia. Never mind the cost to the local Africans – and the transplanted Blacks.

Sally Hemmings Was A Black Secret Agent

A cabal of Black conspirators sniffed out Jefferson’s secret – his greatest ideas (listed above) came when he dined alone.What followed was diabolical.To stop further such ideas, they recruited Sally Hemmings on a suicide mission.

I have secret papers which prove this. This talk about slavery is just that – it is talk. And thereafter, Sally Hemmings was assigned the role of ensuring that Jefferson was never alone. Ian Fleming patterned James Bond after Sally Hemmings.

The Death Of JFK

This Black conspiracy against my Aryan brothers was exposed when I shared these secret documents with JFK – based on which he made this famous comment. His subsequent death obscured this conspiracy.

I am today in a position to reveal this, because, I have been given 20 Marine Commandos by George Bush personally – for my protection. This conspiracy has to be brought out in daylight.

I write this, safely, deep inside a cave, (which ‘Kikazaru’ Hillary Clinton cant bomb).
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St.Barnum – ‘Inside Dope’ On US Elections

At the Toshogu Temple, Nikko, Japan, is the carving of the 3 monkeys. These three monkeys tell us to see no evil, hear no evil, speak no evil monkeys – called sanzaru (三猿) or sanbiki no saru (三匹の猿). Their individual names are Mizaru (not see), Iwazaru (not say) and Kikazaru (not hear).

‘Mizaru’ Obama

A viral email, doing the rounds, accusses Sen. Barrack Obama of a grave crime. It claims that Obama is a Muslim. The Associated Press report, says, “Presidential candidate battles misconception that he’s a Muslim”

Poor Obama! He had to take time off from his campaign to fight innuendo and smear. Fight to remove the slur from his name. Desperately, he re-butted, “I’ve been to the same church, the same Christian church, for almost 20 years” He emphasised, “in the United States Senate, I pledge allegiance to the flag of the United States of America.” In case anyone gets such an email, “send it back to whoever sent it and tell them this is all crazy. Educate” the Senator earnestly advised.

Is it a crime in the land-of-the-free not to be a Christian? Does the US Constitution forbid non-Christians from holding the highest office in the land-of-the-free?

I am pretty uneducated about the land-of-the-free, Senator. In a backward country like India, voters don’t bother about religion. Our recent President was a Muslim. I rather liked him. But I must be wrong. After all, I am from a backward country. And then the Indian voter is uneducated. Can you please educate me, Senator Obama. I have heard so much about your land-of-the-free.

‘Iwazaru’ McCain

John McCain has written an inspiring book – Character Is Destiny: Inspiring Stories Every Young Person Should Know and Every Adult Should Remember, (co authored by Mike Salter, October 25, 2005). A review (From Publishers Weekly)says that McCain is “telling 34 stories of heroes … and … the pantheon is inclusive enough to hold Aung San Suu Kyi and Gandhi alongside Churchill and Eisenhower.”

A few weeks later, after releasing this book, at the “Charlie Rose Show” Senator McCain informed the world that a Muslim had killed Gandhiji. I come from a backward country, Senator McCain. The backward school (in my backward country) I went to , told me that a Hindu killed Gandhi. Thank you for telling me the truth, Senator. I do hope you understand my disadvantage, Senator.

Only Americans tell the truth (especially if they want to become Presidents). It is not like that in my country, India. In my backward country, India, we have been told lies that Gandhi was killed by Hindus. Just imagine the lies. I am now sure that Rajiv Gandhi was also killed by Muslims and Indira Gandhi must have also been killed by a Muslim. Thank you, Senator. I can see the truth. For as they say, the truth will set you free.

‘Kikazaru’ Clinton

Now we come to the friend of India – Hillary Clinton.

She is one helluva brave lady. Imagine a woman trying to become a President in the United States of America. The US has real men. They do not want to burden women with the Presidency.

Hillary Clinton, the Brave, has further threatened, all the caveman that they should not attack America. She has cautioned America, “We have real enemies who are sitting in some cave somewhere trying to figure out how to hurt us again.” I now understand why millions of Red Indians were killed. The Red Indian Cavemen must have also done something. Otherwise, the peace loving, land-of-the-free, American nation, will not attack anybody.

American men are not backward like South Asia ‘men.’ In fact South Asia does not have enough men. Otherwise, why does South Asia have so many women leaders. Tell me.

The Toshogu Temple

About 80 years ago, the Japanese sent a gift to Gandhiji. The Three monkeys from Toshogu Temple, Nikko, Japan. These three monkeys (imagine that, monkeys) tell us that we should not see, hear or talk evil. Gandhiji (that half naked … apologies to Churchill again) loved these monkeys and carried them around.

I am sure that three American Senators, still in the Presidential race, have taken inspiration from these three monkeys – Mizaru, Iwazaru and Kikazaru.

See no evil, say no evil, hear no evil

‘Mizaru’ Obama cannot see the evil of Islamic demonisation. It is not happening. ‘Iwazaru’ McCain does not want to talk about the evil of Islamic demonisation. It is not happening. ‘Kikazaru’ Clinton cannot hear the evil of Islamic demonisation. It is not happening.

God bless America, the-land-of-the-free.

My Plans

I have changed my plans. I was thinking of retiring to the caves, one day – in the Indian tradition. But, with Hillary’s threat hanging over my head, I am afraid. Senators, looking at your source of inspiration, I also now understand, why the favorite Hindu god is a monkey.

I wonder

I dont want to raise embarrassing questions to my US Brothers about women Presidents and Muslim or Catholic Candidates. But I am puzzled ….

In the last 60 years, in 15 US elections, only one bald US president has been elected – and only 5 bald presidents in the nearly 250 years of Republican US. Seemingly, the US Voter and political system selects people with a headful of hair!

Does the US of A have another kind of a caste system – which discriminates against the Bald and Beautiful? I am a backward Indian, you see. So, I dont know, Senators.

You, from the Great Land of The Free, will have to enlighten me!

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St.Barnum – Indians Cows Behind Global Warming!?

Cattle in India started getting blamed for global warming (Indian cattle fart too much!). UN and FAO got involved in this psuedo scientific study.

10% of the earth’s population, in the developed world (largely the western world), does not adequately price or cost the ecological damage they cause, into their production.

The post facto price is borne by the rest of the world (90% of the world population). This damage is then inversely blamed on increasing population of the under-developed world!

An exquisite instance of acrobatics in inverting logic.

By the 1990’s the Green lobby, global warming, Ozone layer, environment had become an fashionable issue. Kyoto protocol negotiations began. As usual, the Western world (led by the Anglo Saxon Bloc) dumped this problem onto the developing world.

Secure a greener earth – at the cost of the poor. This time even Third World animals were not spared.

PT Barnum – Pope Announces Cannonisation

The US has the world’s largest body of believers and followers of PT Barnum. To gain market share in the USA, the Pope has recently received a proposal to declare PT Barnum as a Saint. This was revealed when the original draft of Honest Abe‘s speech was discovered under the Bush & Bush podium (more on that later).

Honest Abe made a stirring speech and said “that this nation, under our Patron Saint PT Barnum, shall have a new birth of freedom – and that government of the White people, by the White people, for the White people, shall not perish from the earth.”

Subsequently, some devious Black Supremist historians (in a conspiracy with The Red Indians) re-wrote the speech. They removed PT Barnum and inserted God. They also went ahead and removed the three most important words, white, white and white.

This changed history. Over the next 100 years, the Blacks slowly subverted the American Constitution, gained voting rights, admission into schools and colleges, could live in cities, own property – in short, completely subvert the American way of life.

So much so, their life expectancy has also increased.

I think similar acts of vandalism has been perpetrated by the Blacks and Red Indians in the case of Patrick Henry, Thomas Jefferson and Emma Lazarus (given below). President George Bush has agreed to support my efforts – and I can call the American Marines any time I want. My sternous efforts to uncover such acts continue.

“I know not what course others may take; but as for me, give me liberty, or give me death!” declared Patrick Henry, speaking on behalf of the Whites. Enslaved Blacks and all the Red Indians marked for genocide – conspired and claimed that Patrick Henry had included them in this declaration.

Jefferson, (when he was dining alone), wrote that ‘all White men are created equal’, in the Declaration of Independence. The conspirators removed the word White.

Emma Lazarus said …

Give me your tired, your poor whites,
Your huddled white masses yearning to breathe free,
The wretched white refuse of your teeming shore.
Send these, the white homeless, tempest-tossed, to me:
I lift my lamp for these whites beside the golden door.

I think the rest of us, (the browns, yellows and blacks) are dismissive of these crimes of the conspirators. It is clear to all those who matter (the whites, who else) that this was never meant to be. We the devious (browns, blacks and yellows) are ignorant, backward and don’t understand these truths – and are subverting the natural order of the Whites.

Some may call it hypocrisy, but I think it is unfair – to the hypocrites. These ‘great men’ had deliberately put the important word, White. Even after the removal of the important parts of these writings and declarations, the writers and their followers remained faithful to the original.

Honest mistake? Wrong!

It is all one big Black Supremist conspiracy – with the Red Indians. Al Qaeda also seems to have joined this conspiracy. Await updates.

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